About our Boxes
What is a Precious Wings Memory Box?
A Memory Box is a gift to families facing the devastating loss of their child and goes some way towards acknowledging that their child is loved and will always be remembered. Memory Boxes aim to provide somewhere special for precious memories when a child dies. Memory Boxes also become something for parents to carry out of the hospital when they have to leave their precious child behind, leaving with ‘empty arms’.
Who donates Precious Wings Memory Boxes?
Precious Wings Memory Boxes are donated by other bereaved families in memory of their child. The name of the child in whose memory the box is made is on the inside lid. It’s important that you explain to parents that the box has come from another family who understand and who have also lost a child, and that this family wants to show them love and support. Families tell us that they find it very comforting at the time to know that if another family had been able to gift them this box and had survived this heartache, maybe they can too.
What’s in a Precious Wings Memory Box?
A Memory Box is filled with many items that are meant to bring comfort and provide opportunities for creating and maintaining memories of a lost child. It’s important to recognise that some families will be too overwhelmed and distraught to take the Memory Box in at the time of their loss. They may not understand the meaning of the Memory Box and have a feeling of ‘I want my child, not a box’. Sensitive explanation at the time can really help a family to engage with their Memory Box and the process of making memories. We get a lot of feedback from families that say it wasn’t until a week or so after their child had died that they started to go through the box and realised how much it meant to them. They often say that it sustained them in those early months and that they looked at it every day to feel closer to their child.
Please adapt the memory box as needed e.g. if giving to a family before their child has died (in a palliative care setting for example) then please remove any of the cards etc that reference the child has already died and give these later. Please also ensure that box is for the correct gender (e.g. the ‘butterfly in the sand’ cards read as ‘you leave hospital without your son or daughter’) and for the correct age (don’t give a family of an older child or teenager a box with a baby wrap or recognition of a precious life certificate included).
What’s important to explain to a family about the Memory Box at the time of their loss?
Some things in the Memory Box can be looked at later by the family (e.g. the photo frame, journal, and seeds). However, some things are important to show and explain to families at the time of their loss, and we’ve detailed these below. Please adapt the boxes as needed (e.g. take out the baby wrap if the box is going to an older child).
Two identical teddies: For babies and children, memory boxes include two identical teddies. The idea is that one can be with the child whilst the family are making memories and saying goodbye. This teddy will have their touch and smell. When it is time to say their final goodbye, the family can swap the teddies so they have the one that has their child’s touch and smell and they can tuck the other one in with their child. Siblings find this especially comforting and we can provide extra teddies so each sibling can have one.
Some families tell us that they only find the two teddies when it is too late and their child has been cremated or buried. They had wished someone had told them about what they could do with them, so this is an important thing to talk through with families at the time of their loss. For older children, only one larger teddy may be included in their memory box.
Hand and foot print kits: Hand and footprints are an important memory of a lost child. Please ensure you take the hand and foot print kit/s out of the box before giving it to the family. Here are some suggestions for capturing this precious memory:
- It’s best to use inkless wipes to collect prints wherever possible as they are permanent and pick up all the details and creases of the hands and feet. We’ve found that while embossing and glitter prints can look pretty, they can be difficult to obtain and the over time the glitter comes away and can completely peel off (which is obviously extremely distressing).
- It’s important to collect as many copies of both hand and footprints as possible, ideally at least 2 or 3. Remember that extended family like grandparents would also treasure a memory like this.
- Getting a set of black prints means parents will be able to use them in the future to make jewellery or get tattoos done (the black/white contrast makes this easier).
- Getting sets of either blue or pink prints means parents can frame them or keep in their Memory Box or a memory book.
- Some families can be hesitant about taking prints. It’s important to reassure them and offer to take them and keep them. If they change their mind, they can be sent to the family when they are ready, at a later date.
Lock of Hair: Offering to take a lock of hair for the family can provide a tangible memory of their child that will offer great comfort in the future and the opportunity to place the hair in a locket or other personal memento. Please remove the lock of hair bag from the memory box if not needed.
- You can keep the hair together by tying it with some ribbon or cotton and placing in in the small zip lock bag inside the little pouch that can be found in the Memory Boxes.
- Please be aware, though, that in some cultures (e.g. Sikh), touching a person’s hair is forbidden, so it’s important you always seek permission from the family.